9/30/11: Confrontational Ladies

It seems in society that males are seen as more assertive and females are laidback, like how they say men go to store counters and say, "I want" whereas females go, "I'd like". Which is all just generalisation and crazy especially in this century. If a male is assertive it can be taken more as a threat and sometimes violence ensues. If a woman is assertive men can think they're not gonna be bossed around by a woman or they might think it's funny and tease about a woman being assertive or turn it into a 'oooh that's sexy' type of thing, "a woman who knows what she wants" or some rubbish. These are not concrete obviously, just some observations. Adele should have explained herself more to the gang whilst keeping her assertiveness and forceful language. I don't think being confrontational in this situation did her any favours or would do any woman any favours if they barged into a boys' club. Especially if she wants to stay with them and she acts like that they're not gonna want to be around her. She might have it in her head 'This is what's best for everyone that I stay' cause she knows why she has to stay, but they don't know what's going on so they have every right to feel confused and a bit angry. Then again she has to cement herself into their lives for her reasons so she can't be docile and just let them turn her away, so I can understand that she would think she has to act this way otherwise what she came to acheive might disintegrate.

I agree with what Blondiviolette was saying -- language like "I want" vs. "I'd like" is really revealing of the way men and women are socialized. So much is stacked against women being taken seriously and respected. The word that most offends me in the English language, far more than the f-word, is the one that is often applied to women who assert themselves. (Incidentally, I'm not aware of it ever having been used against me, but perhaps that's because I'm so concerned about being nice that I've held myself back more than I should.) Men are still socialized to feel like they're being emasculated if they take orders from a woman, and women may put themselves in harm's way or fail to make needed progress (for themselves and for others) because they are trained to be submissive.

It also reminds me of the fact that for men, being powerful generally makes them seem more attractive; for women, it's the opposite. (Perhaps the reason so many male politicians are caught making bad decisions of this type, while I'm not aware of any female politician ever making such a mistake!)

So, regarding this situation, I think it was right for Adele to use forceful language. Of course, one caveat is that if she could tell enough about the future to know that gentle language would get her what she wanted *and* make her new companions more comfortable, that might have been the best choice of all, but if she didn't know that, then for her own safety and for the sake of what she has to accomplish, I think she was right to project power from the beginning. Goodness knows males do this.

Now, you can get into a more nuanced discussion of how best to use power and when it's actually better (both out of respect for others and to achieve what you want) to be gentler, but it's difficult to micromanage things that way. And sure, it would be helpful for her to brush up on social graces in the future, being out of practice as she is (through no fault of her own).

I don't think she was being confrontational at all; she didn't threaten them or say anything rude. On the contrary, she giggled, apologized, and was friendly. She just made it clear that she had a purpose. I think she was a great female role model in this situation. If a man had acted like this, he would not have come across as assertive at all, in my opinion.