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Post by swankivy on Aug 13, 2010 22:30:42 GMT -5
Not My Problem
Are you the kind of person who usually doesn't get involved in other people's affairs even if they could clearly use your help? Or do you prefer to take other people's problems on yourself even if it causes a lot of problems for you? Assuming your answer would depend on the situation, talk about what sorts of situations would compel you to get involved and what sorts would encourage you to keep your distance.
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Post by SHO! on Aug 13, 2010 23:01:42 GMT -5
I almost always offer a hand if I see someone needs it. I definitely help out if it is requested.
On a few occasions the "problem" went in and out of my life so quickly that I never had the chance to make the decision to speak up and offer aid, but in those situations I always regret not getting involved sooner and it winds up weighing heavy on my conscience and in my mind for a long time. I tend to dwell on my errors I like that. If I do have a chance to think about it I almost always come to the decision that not getting involved and regretting it would be worse than the slight embarrassment I'd feel if someone rejected my offer of help in a nasty way or I was mistaken about the need altogether.
Recently I was on an exploratory trip with a really good friend in a transit system either of us was familiar with. As the semi-crowded bus pulled away from one stop I happened to look out the window and saw a man running in our direction, waving his arms frantically and shouting. I shouted for the bus to stop and that I think a guy was running to catch it. The bus immediately stopped, but the guy veered left and away from us. I'd brought attention to myself (which I really dislike) and had been wrong as well as being responsible for a momentary delay to all the other riders. The bus pulled off and I felt like a d!ck. 
However that's when my friend had the impulse to lean over and say something like, "That was cool what you did. Sticking up for a fellow rider." 
It was a short comment and an impulse action on her part, but it washed away that feeling of regret much quicker than normal. ;D It also made me realize that even without that reward the instinct to help out or "do good" is always the better move. ;D
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Post by wright on Aug 14, 2010 11:39:25 GMT -5
I can empathize with the "don't get involved" fear, but like SHO! I more often regret not helping someone than otherwise. In practice, I guess my proportion of get/don't get involved is about 50-50, depending on circumstances.
Those circumstances include: obvious/less obvious signs of distress, age of the person involved, their appearance (clothes, grooming), concern/indifference of other people around and of course my own situation (happy/depressed, not hurried/in a hurry, by myself/with someone, etc.).
Having said that, seeing someone (like a child) who seems at a loss in a public place really engages my protective impulses. While I haven't had to deal with lost or distressed kids specifically, I have gone out of my way to help older / homeless folks.
On one occasion I realized I was being conned and had to tell the guy that he was now on his own. I still don't regret the initial decision in that case. I figure if I at least try, there's one less what-if to haunt me, and I play the what-if game a lot.
My initial reaction to the latest strip is horrified amazement, but on reflection the couple's response is believable. Not likable, but believable. Amanda is not obviously distressed (no blood, bruises, not even crying). There's a bit of group-think; the man comes to a decision and the woman goes along with it because that relieves her of the responsibility. They're not kicking her out into the rain, there are other people around to help her... I can see how their rationalizing would go.
All that said... I wouldn't want them as neighbors.
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Post by Corinne on Aug 14, 2010 13:07:08 GMT -5
My problem is that I always get involved, regardless of circumstances, and try to carry too much on my own shoulders. If someone needs help, I'll do everything I can to help them, no matter how much time or effort that takes me, and then I end up with no time to take care of my own affairs. That's fine with me, though—if I have no time because I donated it to someone else, that makes up for it completely. My body's the only one protesting, because it gets no sleep. ;-)
Hmm, the most recent example I can think of involves work. I was at my job as an office clerk yesterday when the pharmacy called. They really needed to come in yesterday night and couldn't reach anyone but me. The problem with that was I was babysitting that night and couldn't just cancel on the family I babysit for, so I told my supervisor at work that I'd call around and see if anyone could replace me for babysitting. I spent the next hour calling everyone I knew (and thought to be suitable for babysitting) to see if they were available, but I ended up having to say I couldn't come in to work as a cashier. A bit before my shift at the pharmacy would have started, I got a call from the family I babysit for telling me that they had to cancel for the night, so I called the pharmacy right away and told them I'd be over shortly. I ran to the metro station and managed to get there on time. It's the third time this week I get called in, but I would have felt terrible knowing that they were short-handed and I hadn't done anything to help. My supervisor told me I was his hero. ^_^
This is also why I'm tutoring three people this year on top of working two jobs and studying full-time. I just can't say no if I know I'll be able to help someone. SHO!'s right, though: it's rewarding to help people out when you can.
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Post by blondiviolette on Aug 15, 2010 5:03:44 GMT -5
I like to try to help people when possible but admittedly I guess I don't do it as often as I should. Circumstances in which helping people would be okay would be with friends and family and even strangers providing help was able to be offered, but if the help for someone is simply being taken advantage of like a scam artist then I wouldn't lend my assistance to them or if there were already a bunch of people assisting someone or it not being right to interfere for whatever reason or if the person seemed creepy or dangerous in some way, also if I don't know what to do and someone else would be better to help/it would be dumb to try and help cause I wouldn't have a solution anyway then I probably wouldn't either. I like to see breaks in the 'struggling on your own syndrome' where people just have to battle through with some crap that happens when they're out and nobody helps them, so in cases in real life if I'm out and some old person is getting all worried with a bus driver about their ticket not working or they only have cash and the bus only takes tickets, I'll dip my pass twice one of the times being for them, well I did that in a couple of instances anyway. Or if someone is looking for someone to talk to cause they're lonely or whatever I sometimes lend my ear and just generally helping someone pick up something they've dropped in the street or whatever. It just seems like a natural thing to do, not overanalyze or think about it too much. But I certainly don't help as much as I should with anything cause I can be a lethargic sloth. I do what I can, if and when I can, probably not as much as everyone else though, still, I try in certain moments.
I have seen remarkable acts of kindness from friends, family and strangers towards others and I have also seen selfish, uncaring non-acts from strangers who like to pretend people in need don't exist when they're out in the world, I dislike when people turn the other cheek when someone is very much in need or act snobbish as if they are better because they are all-together emotionally and physically and have a sound mind perhaps compared to the other person and can't give someone the time of day just to simply listen to someone or help when they can.
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Post by SHO! on Aug 20, 2010 20:29:24 GMT -5
Having said that, seeing someone (like a child) who seems at a loss in a public place really engages my protective impulses. While I haven't had to deal with lost or distressed kids specifically, I have gone out of my way to help older / homeless folks.
This isn't the first time that N has related an anecdote where she immediately jumped to the conclusion that some male was preying on a vulnerable female. When asked her if she would have reacted the same if the girl had been a boy, she said yes. If the man had been a woman, she said no. I told her how unfair I thought this was and related to her this story:
abcnews.go.com/GMA/Broadcast/exclusive-teen-arrested-kidnapping-tot/story?id=10938679
articles.orlandosentinel.com/2010-06-15/news/os-mike-thomas-juvenile-arrest-06151020100615_1_edwin-girl-s-mother-store
Even the author of this comic has related to me stories where a male has been accused of something nefarious and gross just for being present where others thought he should not be. I can't publicly enjoy many of the things I privately enjoy for fear of being listed somewhere as a potential predator (i.e., trading card games, figure collecting) simply because in this country certain things are deemed off limits once you become a male of a certain age.
Try lending a helping hand in an environment that's already cautious or even hostile towards your very presence! Add to that the ludicrously litigious society that has festered around us and you almost have to not just hesitate before giving aid, but have a release form signed in triplicate before you even consider acting. It's a shame, but I am pretty sure the fear mongers are winning.
All that said... I wouldn't want them as neighbors.
Ditto. Pity they're all around us.
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Post by SHO! on Aug 20, 2010 20:36:04 GMT -5
Always good to read. ;D
This is also why I'm tutoring three people this year on top of working two jobs and studying full-time. I just can't say no if I know I'll be able to help someone.
Sooooo... I was really wanting to find out all about these awesome Canadian sweets I keep hearing about... it's a pity I can't find anyone to help me. 
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