If you had to help Theresa and Melanie figure out the best way to get Ivy to behave while taking her abilities into account, what would you suggest? Do you think they're on the right track, or do you think they're setting themselves up for a huge backlash? Give 'em some ideas, or just share your thoughts on discipline.
It's hard to say right now. The main thing that seems to be going in Melanie and Theresa's favor is that Ivy WANTS their approval and is therefore less likely to do anything that would hurt them, at least intentionally. But of course, toddlers are pretty capricious, so...! Anyway, if they can somehow figure out that Ivy does want their approval and use this, rewarding her with smiles and positive attention when she does something good and punishing her with disapproving voices and less attention when she does something bad, that seems their best hope. I guess we'll see!
Yeah, I think "positive reinforcement" does seem to work on her. The possibility of having to choose between spoiling her and risking injury concerns me most, though. . . .
What's scariest, in my opinion, is that toddlers like Ivy are actually too young to fully realize that other people are people. She seems to be observing that other people like to do certain things or that they react certain ways, but really doesn't yet have the concept down that they, like her, can experience pain and fear. When the people react badly to her, she would probably only STOP causing pain and fear if she had a selfish reason.
I think the "expressing disapproval" idea will probably work well too, but they'll just have to hope that ignoring her as punishment when she disobeys doesn't inspire her to MAKE them pay attention to her. Real toddlers try this all the time through tantrums and attention-seeking behavior, and I'm sure if they could physically control the adult of their choice, most of them would do so in unpleasant ways. . . .
Last Edit: Feb 15, 2010 17:30:41 GMT -5 by swankivy
Basic tactics to raise a child is to use bribery, blackmail, and threats.
Easy bribes are good things. If you put your clothes on, you can sit on my lap. If you eat this, you can eat those tasty vitamin pills.
Blackmail is more enforcing, but applies in similar logic. I won't carry you on my shoulders if you don't wear mittens. This one works when child is tired, crying, and wants attention but tries to have things in his/her own way.
Threatening someone is useless unless you are willing to go through your threat. So, threatening to pinch someone is more affective than pounding them to death. Because I don't use violence as such, I'll threat taking away some toy which is misused. I'll take that necklace away from you if you hit a cat with it. Bit more realistic is: If you are not going to eat (something good), I'll eat it.
Learning by example: Look how I use spoon, fork, and knife works only if a child is interested in the subject. Somethings baby has to learn even when (s)he doesn't want to... like social rules.