12/10/10: What You Want To Hear

[swankivy]

What You Want To Hear

What do you think are some dead giveaways that a person is telling you what you want to hear rather than what they sincerely think? Do you humor people who are trying to manipulate you, or do you call them out on it?

[SHO!]

People that are OVERLY nicely WAY TOO quickly always make me suspicious. And just like with Weaver, people that try to ingratiate themselves into your "inner circle" faster than the natural process would normally allow give me all kinds of red flags.

My siblings (and my mother to a lesser extent) are friends with people that have some pretty scumbag ways about them. And this brings up one of my biggest pet peeves; people that are friends with or that date people with extremely despicable attitudes and that engage in underhanded or dirty dealings, but then are shocked when that bad person does something bad to them, or rather they find out they'd been doing things behind their back all along. If you are close to someone outside of your family (and sadly, sometimes even within) that you know engages in doing selfish and terrible things to others, chances are they are doing or will do those things to you too. A bad person is a bad person, it is who they are on the inside and it is a selfish condition. They don't pick or choose who they will be awful to, the only choice they make is for themselves and if doing something appalling to you means a gain for themselves, even a superficial gain, then they probably won't hesitate to do it. So if you sit back and enjoy, or even just accept the nasty stories of what your friend or significant other is doing or has done to others, then you shouldn't be too shocked when you find out they've done it to you too.

As for the original question; I usually humor people that are trying to manipulate me. I tell others what I understand that person is doing and give them predictions on that person's next move. If need be I warn others that might get caught in the web of deception of the unscrupulous individual and tell them the future signs of what to look for that could follow in a dodgy plan. And then I usually just wait them out to try their garbage with everyone around them already suspecting and waiting for it.

[blondiviolette]

Dead giveaways that a person is telling you what you want to hear:

*The person might hesitate, fidgit and choke a little before they tell you what they think you want to hear rather than what they actually think. If they really did think what they were saying they wouldn't have a second thought about whether to tell you something is good.
*The 'disappointed, unimpressed' glance that they think you don't notice. If someone is really thinking something someone has done or looks like is great, their voice is more alive when they say "You look really nice" unless of course they are someone who is quiet or never has emotion in their words etc.
*Changing something bad they've said to nice. If you talk to them about their nasty words when you had a falling out of a friendship they'll suddenly say they didn't mean it and instead praise you to high heaven. Sadly sometimes the way to see someone's true colours is to get into a fight with them and only then will they tell you what they actually think and not what you want to hear until you 'kiss and make up' so to speak and they retract what they say.

Without sounding arrogant with any luck, I now consider myself an excellent body language reader and typing/words reader so I am usually aware if someone is not being sincere, it has taken a LONG time to get like that, however, I don't seem to be surrounded by people like that in my life. People just tell me whatever the hell they are thinking even if it is incredibly rude sounding, sometimes I wish people would shut their big mouths and not do this but then I think that it's good they are being honest and NOT saying whatever they think you want to hear (well I wouldn't want to hear lies, but I WOULD like to hear silence from some people sometimes if they have a bad word to say). If someone was being manipulative I may say something if it was really awful but usually just ignore it, go on with the conversation/change the subject or distance myself from them, if someone is evil in their covering up how they truly feel in an extreme case of manipulation (not just being polite & meaning well), I will never trust them again like with people I've known, they will never regain my trust again because they were a backstabber, liar and pretended something was so amazing and beautiful but behind back saying how awful it was.

Sadly in the past I have had manipulators coming into my life and was very naive and always gave them a second chance, believed them and saw the good in them only to find out they were just lying, but these experiences how ever bad they are, since you can't go back in time to when it didn't happen, what you have to do to heal is to try to be thankful for the lesson which came from their terrible actions, that they might have got a good laugh and happiness out of your misery but in the end you have become that little bit more aware of how there are con artists in the world, not so trusting, become stronger and will be able to use that experience for next time to read the signs of manipulation and hopefully not let the same thing happen ever again. I don't want to Mary Poppins/self help book it up, but you either become bitter and angry and resentful towards the past situation and it drags you under forever or you do take the lessons, grab whatever you can from a dead carcass.

I've been accused of being fake or a manipulator or telling people what they want to hear simply because I have said something nice about them or someone else so they think you're just trying to win their favour and sometimes people think you're just trying to make them feel all warm and fuzzy and don't believe what you say. If I really like something I say it and those who don't believe it can believe what they want cause I don't pander to people in order for them to like me, there's no incentive to do that, and quite ridiculous. I will say that in certain circumstances in the past I have, a long time ago, but I don't do that anymore, and most of the time it would been done out of trying to be nice about a rather hopeless situation or not knowing how to answer a question without hurting someone's feelings or getting caught up in a panic situation not knowing what to say to someone. I'm definitely sure that manipulation and pandering by me to others has gone on in my younger years for sure, I wasn't always the greatest person in the world and was quite bad and would have laid on the niceness only to backstab them. Even admitted a couple of instances online and maybe those who befell my reap of havok would have read it, it seems that those people have forgiven me based on their actions after the fact. I'm really at peace with the past now and have grown and become a better person, one who will tell you the honest truth and not crap, arrogantly again you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would say that I manipulate and lie to people unless they were one of those people who don't believe when I spit the truth and believe it is a lie. Eh, rambles.

But for the most part these days when it comes to manipulation I'm usually in a situation where people say something not nice and not sprinkled with fairy dust and I am in a pickle wondering whether they are being manipulative and bitchy or whether they are simply speaking their mind and I end up sometimes just not knowing and it's frustrating not knowing, if you know the person very well you can tell if they are just venting and being honest or whether they are the type who always sees faults in others and is being cruel. And I know it's okay not to know these things because others can't read the situation always either, it's really a gamble 50/50 in some cases, just have to work out whether it's a battle worth fighting.

This is long enough to be a short story by now, so am gonna finish up. Ciao.